For all my racing girls..

The husband of a good friend of mine just did the Lake Placid Ironman this weekend..I have been following his training on his blog and Facebook for months..15-25 hours a WEEK. Take a look at his blog at what can happen to even the most conditioned athlete - eat RIGHT, train SMART and always know that this can happen to the very very best of athletes out there...he is amazing! I bow to all Ironmen competitors.

http://www.davecriswell.blogspot.com/

Me Me Me Me and More...Me - Tagged by Liimu

Does this officially count as my post of the week? ha!

Thanks Liimu...I am easy pickings for this award since nobody knows I'm out here!

Apparently as a recipient of this lovely ME award I now have to list 7 Traits about myself that are quirky or make me stand out...wow..only 7 quirky?

1. I was born with 6 fingers on each hand. They were removed before I was 2 but it is genetic..my dad has 6 toes and my brother had 6 fingers and 6 toes on his left extremities. My son got extra tabs but that's it...but he has the gene. I was sad to not produce another 6 finger freak like myself :)

2. I have gained 75lbs with each baby (2 of them) and lost all of it within months of giving birth. My son weighed 11lb, 11oz (and no, NO GD) and my daughter was 8lb, 12 oz 2.5 weeks early. I guess my quirky trait is I grow abnormally large babies.

3. I just may be the WORST delegator on the planet as there is nothing that I feel can't be done better than by me when it comes to workload. This makes me a horrific manager but a fabulous individual contributor :)

4. I hate being told what to do. And I mean, even as far as my husband suggesting what I eat for breakfast. If it isn't my idea, I want nothing to do with it..even if it's something I wanted to do begin with. This makes my relationship with Tony a bit of a love/hate :-)

5. I get tan walking to the mailbox.

6. There is not a day in my life that I don't think of ways of bettering myself and learning more. My drive is one of the things I am most proud of..yet for some reason it doesn't always translate to getting fit which drives me mad.

7. I consider myself one of the best friends to ever have but cross my once and get crossed off my list forever.

7 people to Tag..yikes..let me get back to this later..will require research :)

Impossible is Nothing

The first year I rode the Pan Mass that slogan was on a bracelet I wore the entire 180 miles. Superpowers, mind games, whatever - it worked.

In 4 weeks, I ride again. This year is a little bittersweet for me - through the course of the year, Steve's dad and I have had a minor falling out and are actually not speaking right now. I have tried quite a few times but he is just..unresponsive. He got into a car accident in April - actually, he got into his car half drugged out after an MRI and decided he should drive himself around without a seatbelt and almost killed himself. I was so furious I refused to call and offer sympathy. There are times he gets so caught up in being ill and being catered to, that I think part of him was just mad that the cancer is going away and someone might not pay attention to him anymore. Whatever, the case..and however wrong I was with my feelings, it is what it is right now. 13 years the man has fought cancer and he almost took his life because he didn't want to wrinkle his damn shirt. Ugh.

Anyway..it is strange for me this year but it is not just for him that I do this..I do this for my friend, Renee, who at 37 is an Ovarian cancer survivor and single mom; for my friend, Jen, who continues to battle brain cancer, run her own foundation all WHILE training and running marathons to this day (www.jogginforthenoggin.com)..and for the so many other cancer fighters out there that inspire me..we must find a cure.

To check out my Pan Mass profile, click HERE.

Impossible is nothing.

Rock on,
Paula

Does Not Play Well With Others

I have a very cute tshirt with this on the front but I am thinking I might just get it tattooed on my forehead.

I come from generations of very fiesty women - on both sides. All amazingly strong, intelligent and giving women but all lacking in the necessary talent of knowing when to keep their traps shut and tempers in check. My 4'9 French grandmother was known for her tirades, as was her mother..usually in a fabulous loud mix of French Canadian and English. My Italian grandmother apparently used to beat the crap out of my grandfather..not SO funny unless you know that she was in a wheelchair for most of her life and he was 6'5.

So really, is it any wonder that with both sides of the gene pool of women terrors that I have this..uh..MINOR personality flaw? Or strength...really, depending on what side you are on. I'd like to say that I only get upset and argue at major injustices being done..I'd like to say that. But sometimes, some people, just rub me THE WRONG WAY, almost every time they open their mouth. Almost..from the very first time I met them. So sometimes..I have to tell them to go away, and that I don't want to play anymore.

Is this bad? I don't necessarily think so. What it might be lacking in tact, I believe it makes up for in blatant honesty - as my friends say, you always know where you stand with Paula.

I have tried to manage this better as I've gotten older. There were reasons why I never managed more than a few people when I was working but continually got promoted..I think they were afraid I'd fire everyone incompetent my first day. Not entirely untrue. PC and I are not exactly bed-fellows.

But I try. I try to step away from situations before I speak. I try to sleep on emails before I send them. I step back before responding to someone's comments that just BUG me. I try to sit on my hands when all I really want to do is really just slap someone (truth: I have never been in a physical altercation in my life..shocking). But this is all EXTREME EFFORT for me.

I blame it on the short Canadian nana.

Rock on,
Paula

School is in!

So..thoughts of the day. WOW! Crazy times here. I set out this year with some personal goals for achievement on the professional side. I put my professional life on hold 3 years ago to stay home for a few years with always the understanding that I would go back to work - from a personal fulfillment level AND a financial level..it is necessary. One of my goals was to go back WITH a graduate degree..just wasn't sure which one.

So..I am so happy to say that I got into graduate school at one of the BEST business schools around for a Masters in Science in IT (i am total IT geek)...the program is a bit specific to designing and researching systems and is the largest of it's kind in the country - example, Microsoft sends their people here for this Masters..and I'm in Boston. So..I am thrilled I got in and even more exciting is that they give me a scholarship to do it. I'll also be getting a paid internship in the Spring which I am over the top about. I will be able to finish the program probably by December 2010 and then..look out working world..here comes mama :)

So..this is something I have wanted for a long time. And I am so excited about it..nervous as hell, but excited. I have some fabulous supportive friends locally who have already come out and offered to help with the kids (the classes are at night so will only need a sitter for an hour or two a week..perfect). I feel like I am just surrounded by good friends lately. Because it's been a year and they are just..with me.

So..just wanted to share my happiness of the day...going to get a little busy come September but I am just thrilled to start buying some new notebooks and pens..nerd alert, table two.

Rock on,
Paula

Missing..

happiness - please return when found.

I'm good. I have good days..and bad days. Lately I feel like my life is just one big Lifetime movie waiting to be written. The amount of drama going on around me, not necessarily always involving me, is huge. I have a close friend (37) who is thinking of leaving her husband (and 2 young kids) of 20 years for her 20-something trainer. Okay. I have another old friend who just found out her husband of 9 years has been having an affair with another mom in her son's class for 6 months and they are moving in together next week. After 9 years of marriage and 2 kids. I have a handful of close friends that want nothing else but to go out every night and meet men and feel hot and young again. All of them are married with multiple children. I have been married for 7 years and have not experienced any of this until the last 6 months with friends..why is all this happening now?

I have been on all sides of this cube-like coin in the last 6 months - so I don't judge..just..wonder at the insanity of it all.

What is going ON in the world today? When did everyone suddenly become bitter and disgruntled with their life? When did everyone start wishing to start over again and why? When did everyone just become...unhappy? Is it just my peer group? Or have I surrounded myself with a bunch of lunatics? Does this mean I am a lunatic too? Well..don't answer that.

On the fitness end, I see so many people struggling...myself included. The amount of "fit" friends I have..both locally and "online" that have managed to throw on 20lbs that they can't shake over the last year is amazing to me. I have a friend who is staying on antidepressants so she can stay skinny. Not depressed, just wants a quick fix. Great, good for you.

I don't think any of this is coincidence. Is it the world? The economy? A bad Chinese year? What is UP people?

Come on, get happy.
Rock on,
Paula

Scrambled

I know..it's a been a while. I have probably written and deleted about 15 posts in the last 3 months. What to share. What not to share. Better off not sharing.

My year has been a journey...maybe 37 is the year of my mid-life crisis. The year I sort through all the crap of my past and get down to what lies beneath. Who am I? What do I really want? I have so many peers going through the same crap right now, it is hard not to think that it is a stage of life. My therapist (who rocks and really, everyone should pay someone to listen to their shit) offered that everyone goes through some sort of life crisis every 10 years. Ironically it was 10 years ago this past weekend that I got married for the first time...and divorced him 2 months later.

One of my favorite scenes in a movie is from Runaway Bride. She talks about always having her eggs the same way every guy she was dating at the time did...but never knew how SHE liked her eggs. This is so my life. You adapt, you take on someone else's likes, dislikes and if you were like me and hopped from one long term bf to another..never really spent a whole lot of time figuring YOURSELF out. I argued that my boyfriends taught me about myself, taught me what I could tolerate and what I couldn't, what I needed in someone and what was a dealbreaker. But what are MY dealbreakers? What do I NEED? What do I WANT? And if I got it, would I even know?

I talked this weekend about learning when to stop looking for more. I have a drive that doesn't seem to know when to stop. When is happy, happy enough? When is fit, fit enough? When is a good job, the best job? When is a good man, the right man? Because no matter how excited I might get about something when it begins..inevitably, in a period of time..I start wanting more. Looking for more. And that gets me into a lot of trouble..

So I am taking one day at a time these days. Trying not to overthink things. Trying to learn how to love my life. Trying to appreciate how lucky I am, rather than worry about what I don't have...

But first of all, loving my scrambled eggs.

Rock on,
Paula