The Age of Aquarius

February is here. January is over. Snow still on ground? Check. Storm coming this week. Check. Temp still hovering around 30 degrees daily? Check.

But my power month is HERE! Nobody messes with mama in February. Ever. Because basically..you'll lose and shit. My birthday month is all about new attitude for me..not sure why but February 1 hits and..."into the dark..there was a light".

Turning 37 in 14 days. WTF is that all about anyway? Does it even matter how old we are anymore? Does anyone care? I don't..so next topic.

January was a big fat dark hole of BLECH for me but with the love of some GREAT friends, lots of social activities and workouts that kicked my little patootie, I made it through. And there may have been a pizza in there or two..but really, who's counting? Anything to make mama smile.

This is my leaning month..have a fabulous dress to wear in exactly 20 days as maid of honor for my little pumpkin sister's wedding in Galway Ireland and I hope to look at least half as gorgeous as she is going to be..LOVE my dress though and can't wait to show you pictures...LOTSA LOTSA cardio for moi over the next 3 weeks..getting some gorgeous muscles that need to be shown OFF :) Galway won't know what to do with me.

Over the holidays I found this great natural rock store and bought a natural amethyst necklace and bracelet (that's Aquarius birthstone for those of you NOT in the know on the greatest sign)..plan on wearing that a LOT this month. My parents had gone to some amethyst mines in Northern Canada a while back and brought me back a chunk of magic. From the minute that amethyst sat on my desk at work, amazing things started happening. Just imagine if I start wearing it..

The Age of Aquarius is here.
Rock on,
Paula

All Bitter and Shizit..

I have noticed that my last couple of posts are on the say, bitter side, so I started thinking..what IS IT about January? I actually love the snow, love cold mornings and there is nothing that energizes me more than a run outside when it is 20 degrees..seriously, love it.

But January hits and I become like Pig Pen with a dark cloud looming overhead. I'm grouchy at home, with friends, have no patience, tell people off "in my head" about 40 times a day. I remember when I was in my 20's I realized that 90% of my relationships had ended in January. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I go tanning for my "light therapy". I work out 6 days a week..lately more than once a day. I eat well. I take high doses of medication. Ha! Well..sort of ha..

Maybe the only thing to do is just move on south for winter. But then I'd have to get these sausage legs into shorts 5 months ahead of schedule.

So maybe not.

Rocking it..all grouch style.
Paula

Feeling 12 again..

Seriously, I am beginning to hate Facebook.

All of a sudden, my grammar school classmates are coming OUT of the woodwork. I went to a small Catholic school and graduated with a class of 30 in 8th grade. In the last year, I got back in touch with one girl. I occasionally see my childhood crush since he lives in the area (and is still hot but that's another story...ha!). But that is it. Now everyone wants to be "friends" again. They want a reunion. They want to chat. They want to share pictures. I have NOT SPOKEN TO THESE PEOPLE IN 25 years! I have NOTHING TO SAY. And quite honestly, I HATED THE LAST YEAR I was in school.

My "best" friend is a girl who joined our school for the last two years - I have discussed her before on here. Our class was CLOSE with so few kids and all of us having been together since 1st grade..like brothers and sister close. In 8th grade, she went behind my back and went after my crush named above. She then turned all my friends against me (obviously not real friends as I know now..). I graduated speaking to 2 people thanks to her. No offense, I have no interest in being your friend, hearing about your life (just got divorced, single mom..so sorry..biatch) or even seeing your freakin' name. Serious, head trauma is more enticing to me. And I do NOT want to go to any freakin reunion where she is going to be there all "FRIENDS" with me..gag.

Okay..does anyone get where I'm at? I just need to vent. I am hot, smart, have an amazing husband, great kids and am, well, just fabulous. And just seeing this freakin' girls name all over Facebook lately has me feeling insecure, shy, loser-like and hurt all over again. How ridiculous is that?? I am not 12. I am going to be 37 in a month and I FUCKING ROCK.

There, I said it.
Rock on people,
Paula

Auld Lang Syne

May old acquaintances be forgot...

How do you all feel about weeding out people in your life? I feel like every 5 years ago I declutter my friends. It's about that time again. It is kind of like cleaning out the messy drawer in your kitchen. You find all kinds of odds and ends of people and can't quite remember how they got in your life and why they are still there taking up space.

I'm not trying to win any largest amount of friend contests - I am big believer that if you have friends that you can count on one hand when you die you have lived a full life. Good friends. Best friends. Friends that don't judge. Friends that are proud of you. Friends that want to see you succeed in EVERYTHING and are genuinely happy when you do. Friends that will listen to you cry about your kids or bitch about your husband and not run and tell all their friends how much your life sucks. Friends that for whatever reason (oh yeah, insecurity!), are in constant competition with you but would NEVER say those words aloud and admit it. Try to out skinny you, out car you, out lawn you, out clothing you, out hair you but really, you've never given it a second thought about returning those favors. Because maybe if we all spent more time trying to think about what WE want for US and not because of someone else, we might actually, I don't know, learn something about ourselves.

But we don't want that happening, do we?

Have an amazing New Year everyone - and try to learn more about yourselves this year. That's my goal. Every day.

Rock on,
Paula

'Tis the Season

Today is my annual Christmas Open House and I am so excited!! I have been throwing some sort of xmas party since my college days when I would decorate my dorm room every year with lights and serve punch to anyone that came by...it is a genetic passdown from my nana - we entertain.

5 years ago I started with an afternoon open house - less of a commitment to just drop by and was an excuse to see friends that i don't get to see a lot. The first year it was mainly just my new neighborhood..about 40 people. This year, we are expecting upwards of 150 people. It always makes me happy to add new friends to the list every year..it is a personal goal to expand and meet new friends each year I live in this town - so many wonderful people out there. I have about 40 dozen cookies made, have some great punches for the big people and santa is coming for the little ones. Basically everyone leaves on a sugar high, buzzed and santa'ed up :)

I have people coming from high school days and people I met a few months ago and it is so wonderful to have these blessings in my life all in one house. It is a good day - every year.

So far I have not cried once this holiday season - been having a blast doing holiday fun with family and friends, enjoying myself but taking care of myself and realizing that the fun of the season is not focusing on ME, it is in sharing times with others, giving to those who need it and to stop being so self-centered on MY body and if it is or isn't losing weight, tightening up. WHATEVER. Don't we all have better and bigger things to worry about this time of year? Go volunteer at a food pantry. Collect toys for those families who won't have any. Spend an afternoon making sugar cookies with your kids. Give your time and/or money you'd be spending on supplements/trainers to those nonprofits not making any money this year. Stop focusing on YOURSELF. 'tis the season.

Rock on,
Paula

Sweaty Gym Guy

You know you all have one. This guy is FOUL. He works out every day from 7am to 10am at my gym. From 7:05 to 10:00 this man is drenched in sweat, dripping from his head and leaves PUDDLES on every piece of equipment, the floor, you name it. Did I mention he is FOUL.

As he was finishing his "cardio" at the end, he went and grabbed ONE towel wash thing, wiped off his hands and neck and then USED IT TO WIPE DOWN THE TREADMILL..ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME??

Needless to say, I complained to management. That is unsanitary. He also grunts LOUDLY. And did I mention that this guy has been working out like this for MONTHS and is only getting fatter? One of the trainers said he must go home and eat burgers all day. Now they are picking straws on who gets to talk to him.

NASTY. I just had to vent.

Rock on and need to go shower,
Paula

Silent Night..

December has hit and as I do every year, I have 150 people to my house next Sunday for our Holiday Open House. I foolishly started the tradition years ago of doing ALL THE BAKING..by scratch. This seemed to work well when my parties were, say, 40 people but at 2-3 pieces of baked goods per person that puts me at 450 pieces of holiday delightfulness or close to 40 dozen sweet treats. Did I mention that I do all of this from scratch and make about 12 different varieties?

It is family tradition to be a baker and I am REALLY GOOD - 4th generation of this..but my shoulder is already sore after one day...2 years ago I ended up with bursitis, my first baking injury! Who says it isn't a workout??

Had a nasty cold/throat/chest thing for a few days and finally kicked it. At this point I am more NOT eating then eating I am so busy but making good choices when I remember. Ironically I rarely ever eat my own baking, just a taste of each batch to make sure it isn't toxic. This picture was my kitchen yesterday morning. Have 4 dozen gingerbread men made and 3 dozen of the 7 layer bars..today is thumbprints..or russian teacakes..haven't decided..feeling like seeing some red..8 days left before the party and much to do..

I feel happier this month then I have for many many Christmases..my grandfather died 2 days after Christmas when I was 14 and this time of year still makes me sad. He and my grandmother lived with us (same brownstone, different apartment) and he was not only like another parent, but my favorite one. I remember we knew he was going to die at Christmas mass and when the choir started singing Silent Night, with the church dark and all of us holding candles, my mom softly started to sob. That song to this day reduces me to a heaping mess. Always. But this year I feel a little more light..I have been doing as much as possible in the community this year to help those struggling - organizing food drives, toy drives, drives to raise money to pay people's gas for the winter. My christmas party is also a toys for tots party. It feels good to give something back..so maybe that is why the lights are shining a little brighter on the tree this year.

And maybe, just maybe, this will be the year that I can sing Silent Night.

Rock on,

Paula