A Wise Woman Once Said..

...that everyone that comes into your life for a period of time becomes a part of who you are. This woman was my dance teacher for 15 years, my mentor and more than anything, a mother figure to me growing up. Joyce. I spent hours on hours and days in her studio with her, learning from her, teaching with her, laughing with her, crying with her. Her life has literally been dance since the age of 4 (she is now over 70) and last night, 10 years after her retirement, she held a reunion at her house for all the "old" studio girls.


I love this woman and am so happy she is back in my life again. Just being around her again (it has been almost 20 years since I have seen her) I saw SO MUCH of myself as an adult that came from her. All of us at the reunion felt the same way - she is dance and magic and joy at the same time she is blunt, no-nonsense motherly. To be surrounded by 20 girls that I spent so much time of my life with was wonderful - different from a school reunion, this was a group of women who shared a common LOVE for dance - we may not have been great, but nobody would ever question our joy of performing which made up for anything lacking in, uh, technique. Though at the time we all thought we were rockstar dancers!

Of course it didn't hurt to show off my still-in progress Tony body either to all these women and I felt great with all the compliments I received..three of the girls just came up to me and said that I have inspired them to start working out again just by looking at me..hee hee..

Next Saturday I ride in the Pan Mass Challenge - 84 miles for cancer. My page is HERE. Training for this has been trying to say the least as I feel like my heart is more into Tony these days then getting on my bike. Either way, I am praying for sunshine and no wind next Saturday as I try to finish in 5 hours or less...but this ride isn't about me, it is about finding a cure so no matter how long it takes, every hill is worth it. Some things are more about the journey...

Rock on,
Paula

Never Say Never

Ever think about the times in your life that you or a friend has said "I'll never..." such as "I'll never be a runner" "I'd never like yoga", "I would never live in the city" "I would never do online dating", etc. Ever think about the times when you or a friend has actually done those things and 1. Become a marathon runner, 2. Become a yogi, 3. city slicker and 4. found their husband on Match? ALL have happened to either me or close friends.

How many times do we say "That just wouldn't work for me" but really - how do we know unless we have actually tried it? How many friends have I had that would say to me after I had come back from a run "I could never run - bleck, you are crazy". Do you know that when 4 out of 5 of those same people started running they became running addicts and all have finished marathons?

Why are we so quick to shortchange ourselves an experience? Is it fear? Insecurity? Because really, unless we have had the experience, failed or dislike it, how can we really know we don't like it? How many times do your children say "I hate broccoli" and yet have never tried it. What do we say to them - "Try it, you might like it". Why don't we follow those instructions ourselves?

As I have gotten older I have made a conscious effort to NOT be an "I'll never" person. Because you know what, I almost always end up eating my words. Because what "I'll never" do, ends up being something I do end up doing and actually loving. Almost everytime.

A yoga instructor once told me that the positions that were the hardest for me and the ones I dreaded were the ones I needed the most. I have become a believer that those places in life that we "never" want to go, are probably those we need the most as well.

Try it, you just might love it.

Rock on,
Paula

My Happy Night..

Went out in town last night with the ladies for our monthly jaunt. The single girls wanted to head to the hottest bar in the city and it was PACKED full of hot young professionals. I came a little later by myself. We were hanging out all night and at the end of the night met the head of security and his two very serious, probation officer by day/ security by night officers who were two very serious tall, built, black and Armani suit clad men.

One of them came over to all of us and said "I just need to come over here and tell YOU (looking at me) that when you walked into the bar tonite every guy in this place stopped and stared and we don't see that very often. We thought someone famous walked in" HA! I said "wow, I must have something hanging from my butt!"..hee hee..was very embarrassed but wow, that hasn't happened in well, A VERY LONG TIME! My single hot girlfriend was like "She is married with two kids!!" - hee hee..

It was a much needed "you go girl" on the arm after a rough week..sometimes no matter how much we know it is more important to be a good person and have a good heart then it is to have a certain waist size, it is still great to hear that someone thinks your outside business is hot stuff.

Rock on,
Paula

Nobody Ever Tells You What Happens After You Find Happily Ever After...

Interesting thought, eh? And can apply to so much in our lives. Finding the perfect partner. Having the child you were trying for for years. Reaching your ideal goal weight. Getting the perfect job. I could go on..

I am a goal oriented person and once set, goals get done. 'Nuf said. My issues occur AFTER I reach the goal. After the finish line is crossed. Then all I can think is "now what the F^&* do I do?". And I go thru a little loss. Some depression. Funk, bleh, yeck. Then somehow a fire gets lit under me for something and I am off again. I love the fire. I hate when there isn't any. Can't deal with that.

How do you learn to enjoy life without the fire - even if for just a little while? Or is the point to keep the flame lit all the time and just pass the torch from one goal in your life to another? Fire to reach goal weight to fire to go back to school to fire to join a new organization to fire to plan a huge party..etc. Anyone following here? Right now I am pre-fire. Which always makes me a little anxious. There are goals in my head but I haven't commited yet. Because once I do, I know the work involved and more important, the energy needed. And a huge leap of faith. But what is the alternative - sit all mopey and try to avoid committing so I can avoid any chance of failure.

Not a chance. It's time to jump.
Rock On,
Paula

149.5

Yeah, I said it. FINALLY. Next goal - 145 by August 2nd. Bringing it.

Also had a dream about Tony last night. Was at his "gym" (since I've never been there, can only imagine) and were people laying in sweat all over the place. Hysterical. I really need to get my period so my freak pms dreams stop.

Oversharers have Secrets Too..

I am self-admittedly - a huge oversharer. Tell me a secret, chances are someone else is going to find out if it is juicy enough. Want to hear about someone's else's issues - I will gladly share. (Though in my defense, if told to keep info to myself, I am perfectly capable and will do so). I like to gossip, in a harmless - share information with the world kind of way. And well, that is just me and has been since, well, the age of 3 when I started telling on my brother.

However, for a large oversharer of other people's information, there is a lot about me that is kept in secret. Some things only divulged to certain members of the "circle of trust' and somethings..well, never. To anyone...

Not that I keep some dark, morbid, heads in my fridge kind of secret. It is all probably more, well, "boy" related..and usually things of not real importance. Take yesterday - I ended up in the ER with a scratched cornea (because that's a fun way to spend a gorgeous Sunday). Immediately a VERY cute, Dr. Caref type (Grey's ref there) nurse came in and while taking my vitals, started flirting. He then came to visit every 5 minutes the entire time I was there. Yeah, he was hot. And cute. And apparently oblivious not only to the fact that I had one eye swollen and completely shut but also hadn't showered in 2 days (i know, ew). But truth be told, he was a godsend to me and when he ran over to be the one to walk me out, I left him and went to my husband and my ER relationship ended. But it really lifted me up and I felt hot and sexy and well, wantable. Is this something I will share with well, anyone but you? No.

There are a lot of these man interactions in my life..sometimes they happen frequently, sometimes not for months. Sometimes it is a complete stranger, sometimes an exboyfriend out of the past that reappears for an email, a phone call. But everytime one does, my heart starts beating a little faster, my head goes up a little higher and for a moment, I get giddy like a schoolgirl who realizes after years of braces and boys making fun of her, that maybe a boy might actually have a crush on her. Call it what you will..these interactions make my life a very fun place to live and I have never once stepped over the line into infidelity. Not a glimmer.

So those are my secrets...and now I have overshared them.
Rock on,
Paula