Saturday, September 27, 2008

Workout Updates

Going to start keeping track of my weights on here..only because I am interested and haven't done so in a was the third day in a row that I was the only girl in the weight room..where the f*( are the chicks??

Some weights from the week so I can see where I progress in a month - because it's all a journey right? Had my first running interval cardio today since before I was sick - lungs finally all clear..felt GREAT!! Started on the slow side just to see but felt REALLY good..mama is BACK BABIES!!!

Weight highlights that I want to focus on..
Shoulder Day:
Smith Machine Behind the Head Press (I hate these friggin things):
20 reps - 35 lbs
15 reps - 45 lbs
6 reps - 75lbs

Smith Upright Row:
20 reps: 35lbs
12 reps: 45lbs
6 reps: 55 lbs

6 reps: 65 lbs
Leg Day:
Seated Plate Loaded Leg Press:
20 reps - 250lbs
15 reps - 275 lbs
6 reps - 360 lbs - that would be 4 -45 plates on each side..not counting with the machine weighs..yeah, bring it.

Hack Squat - Plate Loaded
15 reps - 200lbs
6 reps - 250lbs

Chest Day:
Smith Machine incline press:
20 reps: 55lbs
15 reps: 65 lbs
6 reps: 80lbs

Smith Machine Wide Press:
15 reps: 75lbs
6 reps: 90 lbs

Barbell curls:
6 reps: 50lb barbell

21's: 30lb dumbbell

Tricep Barbell behind the head:
15 reps: 30lbs
6 reps: 40lbs

Smith Machine Chest/Tricep:
15 reps: 45lbs
6 reps: 65lbs

Rock on,

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Why Would I Cry?

Had an hour long conversation with Tony tonight. As Tina has gorgeously blogged about, he is just the master and he is just great at making me my assignment which I am sure so many of you have done is "what if you were looking in the mirror right now and had your ultimate dream body (here is mine what would you do?". and I simply answered him"I would cry". And here is why:

So I am looking in the mirror at all my Paula "Kiss MY Ass Miss Tara" freakin rockstarness. My arms are thin and ripped. My legs are toned and have the gorgeous split down the quad and there is about 3 inches in between my upper thighs. My stomach is not only dead flat but rock hard and the lines from my ALL my abs show through. My back is lean, toned and ends in a gorgeous V to my perky toned butt. In my whole life, I have never looked like this. At my thinnest before kids, never. Dancing 5 days a week as a teenager, never. After losing all my baby weight, definitely not. But now, I am there.

And what does it make me do? Cry. Why?

Because I am the champion and rooter of the underdog. Always. Because there is nothing that moves me more that watching the last picked, not a chance in hell win. There is a famous "Paula" saying that I say to my husband when I am moved by an underdog situation or movie or whatever touches me in an underdog story. I will look at Steve with tears in my eyes and say "I am Seabiscuit, Rudy, Notebook". Why? Because I am the one nobody bet on. I am the one that was never the best. I had the personality. Sometimes I had the looks. But I never had the winning talent. My whole life I have come in third or fourth place. Or not at all. Yet somewhere inside I always felt that was wrong - that I had SO MUCH left in me to give and I hadn't left it all on the floor. And that was why I didn't win, didn't come in first, didn't beat my time. Because I didn't think I was worth it. Because it was easier to give 50%. Because what if I gave it everything I had and FAILED. Wasn't it easier to give it half and just know that you are going to fail anyway? Expect nothing and never be disappointed is another famous saying by me..said often in my life. Lot of sad endings in my life and after a while I tried to become numb to it all I guess. I can only handle so much disappointment. In other people. In losing loved ones. In myself.

I am the perpetual self-imposed underdog. So when I look into the mirror and see that body, I will cry. Because it will mean the underdog has died. And then what the hell do I do?

Monday, September 22, 2008


So what else is there to do at 2am then blog, right?

After fighting bronchitis all last week, I finally went to the docs and got a lovely 3 day zpak and am good as now as of today. Which means back to reality tomorrow. Because really, what exactly does one do when Tony tells you on Tues to stop working out, eat what I need to eat and get better?

Uh, go hog freakin wild if you are me.

Because apparently having bronchitis WHILE having PMS is not a good thing for me. Especially when your whip cracking trainer "in your head" tells you "eat whatever crap you want and don't work out, it will be fine" when in reality he was saying "eat soup and drink a lot of water".

So, in the last 5 days, I have consumed: Pint of Ben and Jerry's to start this trip on Tuesday night. Next day not an ounce gained. A triple cheeseburger and large fry at Wendy's for lunch and an entire small hawaiian pizza w/ half an order of Cinnastix for dinner that night. Scale went down 1/5 a pound the next morning so I thought, hey, this is fun. Next day I ate soup for lunch followed by half a large bag of m&m's for dessert and for dinner a pound of mussels, a bread basket and a big fat hanger steak with garlic mashed for dinner after a parent/teacher night. Next day was only up half a pound, hey- I can lose that by lunch, right? Friday I had a big fat burger for lunch with fries, more M&M's (about a cup or so) for snack and I believe only a pint of Ben and Jerry's for dinner, it is a bit of a haze. No scale change for Saturday. Saturday didn't eat all day but then went out for Mexican with my parents and family for dinner and ate a bunch of chips/salsa with a big fajita burrito, refried beans and rice. Polished off another pint of Ben and Jerry for dessert later that evening. No scale change this morning. So in my last attempt to gain 10 pounds, I ate a big fat roast beef sandwich and a large fry for lunch today and only HALF a pint of the rest of the Ben and Jerry's for dinner.


After my liquid day and a half last week i was thisclose to breaking a big barrier. Now I have done everything possible to completely and utterly throw myself in the gutter. I feel bloated, roll-like, sluggish and disgusted with myself. I cannot even remember a tear like this before.

What is wrong with me? Why don't I want to do this? I want nothing more in my soul to have the discipline of you Divas out there - I would KILL to have the desire to control my urge to eat. I actually have envied those with eating disorders because they have this urge to "control" their eating - how f'ed is that? But I have been feeling good in my little size 4/6 body lately and when I start feeling good, women, men and red meat need to run. Because my whole life I have been the skinny girl who could eat ANYTHING she wanted and still rock a pair of skinny jeans and boots. But that skinny girl with the metabolism from hell doesn't live here anymore. Thursday night my sitter came in and told me I am the thinnest she has ever seen me and I proudly told her what I had eaten the last 24 hours as her mouth dropped to the floor. I have always refused to be food's bitch but it is not right, it is not right at all. But I don't know how to stop.

What am I afraid of? Feeling good? Looking better than I have EVER before? NOT eating a burger for the rest of my life? CONTROLLING MYSELF?

I am disgusted.

Not so rocking on,

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Tony Dream and Questions

Okay..first my dream:
Last night I had a dream that i was in NYC and thought I would "drop by" his gym to meet him and say hi. I got to the address and it was an office building. Went inside and asked for him and a receptionist gave me a weird look and brought me to a door. She knocked, told me "good luck" and opened it. Inside was this little room totally bare. Pieces of paper were taped all over the walls (workouts probably). Standing in a corner doing these freaky little kicks against the wall was a 300 pound, scary white-skinned, flabby guy wearing just a pair of big boxer shorts. He was not only balding, but had large chunks of hair missing from the side of his head. Basically, white, fat, scary and hairy. And it was Tony! hahahahahahahaha. And all I could take in was that place smelled like one big dirty sock. And I thought..yikes, this guy is making a fortune off all of us ladies and he is like some big, sleazy guy (and he was totally sleazy and EWWWW). I even asked him about the picture on his website and he was like "oh yeah, that's just some guys picture I found online!"...ha! Then I woke up smelling dirty socks.

So of course I called Tony and left him a message about it...too freakin funny.

Which of course leads me to questions that perhaps all of you who have known him for so long can answer - and maybe I'll even ask him myself but I am just freakin curious now!

1. Have any of you ever MET Tony?
2. Does he have an actual gym?
3. Is he married? In a relationship? Gay? Not judging..just wondering??
4. If you have met him, is he tall, short?

Because really, I am just curious. Don't worry ladies, not THAT kind of curious ;) Being Italian myself I have never been attracted to my old kind..I prefer the tall, white, WASPy boys that wear Izods to contrast with my all black, motorcycle boots and min-skirt persona :)

Now let's DISH...
Rock on,

Monday, September 15, 2008

My 3 Year Old Rockstar

So...the girl is 3. Of course, she ended up projectile vomiting AT her birthday party on Friday but as my sister says, some people would say that equals a great party..ha!

Here are some pictures of her new room and the little rockstar the day AFTER her birthday fully rallied..she does love her boots..can't imagine who she takes after...mmmmm

Rock on, little one, rock on,
Proud Mama

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


First, I am not a rollercoaster person. I am a twirly, make you sick ride person. Given that I am prone to motion sickness, this makes absolutely no sense. But my fear of falling -not heights, they don't bother me, it is the falling part that makes me throw up.

Kind of like life. I like climbing the hill. I like sitting on top of the hill. I hate falling off the hill - makes me throw up.

This week has been an insane rollercoaster. Had a power Monday with getting Lana's room done with paint 2 days ahead of schedule, met with the graduate school Doctor of the program and had an AWESOME meeting..left just buzzing with brain mojo and absolute plans to start my double Masters next Fall. Then yesterday was running around all morning and afternoon, launched my website (did it all by myself!!) at our mothers club meeting last night (to much applause..) and another power day.

Today is CRAPOLA. First, it is my first liquid day for Tony. Yippee. I am willing to give it a shot but I might just chew my leg off any moment. It is also making me very cranky. And it's only noon so I have that going for me. Might be time for emergency apple. Had a whole day planned on getting the house cleaned, cleaning Lana's room out for her furniture to come tomorrow, etc. Login to my desktop this morning and BAM - reboots, PHYSICAL MEMORY DUMPING message appears and JUST LIKE THAT, it is gone. Spent next 90 minutes on the phone to India which was a waste and have the Geek Squad coming tomorrow to try and save, oh, my 5 years worth of pictures of my kids that are all on my hard drive...SOMEBODY KILL ME.

Did I mention I am doing all this on a protein shake? Did I say that yet?

Couple that with the ridiculous response I have gotten from a couple of "close" friends about my very excited and long thought out decision to go back to school. "What about your family?" was one comment. WTF is that all about? I have 2 kids and now apparently have to stay home and make freakin cookies for the rest of my life? Last time I checked we have a mother of 5 running for Vice President of the United Fuckin States...I'm not voting for her but hey, if she can do it...why can't all of us? I have just never understood "friends" that immediately jump on the negative when you tell them something positive about your life that you are excited about - hi, how is your insecurity? How about BEING HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND? Didn't ask for your opinion, didn't ask you for advice, just telling you what your friend is doing - didn't your mother ever tell you if you can't say something nice...shut the fuck up!

Did I mention I am doing a liquid day today?

Again, I am nothing but thrilled when I see a friend excited about doing something to better his/her life...isn't that what friendship is?? I am not a stupid person, quite ridiculous bright as my past academic and professional record proves. My husband is 150% supportive and is the one who made me make the call when I kept talking about it and wasn't doing anything. My kids are going to be in school full-time. I miss using my brain and LOVE that I will find a use for it again, beyond the fact that it never hurts to have an extra income coming in down the line so we can do even more fun things as a family and as a couple.

So stop trying to push me down the hill already...I am on the climb and plan on staying there for quite some time!!

Rock on,

Thursday, September 4, 2008

New Gym, Pink Paint and Masters Degrees..oh my!

SO excited..just joined a new gym today. Well technically, an old gym that I had left a year ago and has been completely redone. Ipod hookups on the treadmill! More than one Smith Machine! An actual hack squat machine! 4 stepmills that actually work! I am giddy!! They also have a ton of very fun looking "Group" classes..Group Power (all weights) and Group Ride (spin on crack). Given my Tony workouts I won't be needing the Power but REALLY looking forward to the Group Ride for extra cardio...

This week is INSANE with kids getting off to school, trying to get Lana's room ready for her 3rd birthday next week (painting it a light pink with all kids of chocolate brown accents and her new big girl furniture!). Meeting with my undergrad school on Monday to discuss my starting my MS in IT/MBA combo next Fall. SO excited about the time I am done the kids will be in school and YES, I can have the best of both worlds :) Plus an extra income never hurt either round these parts..yikes..

Has everyone else heard about Tony's mom? She had a stroke this weekend and they are putting in a pacemaker..he was a bit of a wreck about it. I have found myself checking in ON HIM this week which is nice to do after all he does for me...send prayers.

Off to paint while kids are paint arms here I come!
Rock on,