Sometimes You Just Need To Take Out the Trash..

This subject line brought to you by Kyle - a lovely 20 year old boy my friends and I met last night who was listening to our conversation. I decided to steal his comment about taking out the trash at work..because sometimes you need to take out the trash in your life..or whatever is going on in your own head..

So I hit the town last night on my monthly venture out with my single fabulous girlfriends. Let me just say - every time I go, it is just one more check mark on the list of why I am so thrilled to not be dating right now.

We attended a lovely private party in town of a bar opening and it was mobbed with young, hot professionals - so the eye candy was good. Then my friends started scoping out some boys and my wingman skills were needed. I approached a nice looking group of suited up young cuties in suits and just started conversation - because really, what the heck do I care? At this point one of my fabulous friends turned from funny, great and down-to-earth to uber-snob, stuck-up, hair swinging BIATCH"I am so fabulous in my own head" and the transformation was not just frightening, but telling why at the age of 35, she hasn't had a boyfriend in 3 years. The hottest guy in the group that I was actually scoping for her initially checked her out but after receiving a sound put-down within seconds by her because he didn't "know" the best chefs in Boston personally, looked at me and said "Well, PARDON ME," and both visibly and mentally, checked her off the list. He, his friends and I then had a lovely discussion about the merits of the KFC/Taco Bell combination and what god in heaven created those while she found a nice gay man to be fabulous with for the next half hour and wasted my fabulous wingwoman abilities.

As we were eventually dissed out of their group, my girlfriend - now back in fun friend mode and obviously oblivious to her own destruction of anything there- says "I think he totally dug me, I would make out with him". I WANTED TO SAY "Girl, you threw yourself so under the bus and good luck with being single for the rest of your days". Instead, I just shrugged. What monster took over your body and brain back there?? I have never seen that in action..YIKES.

So friend, I say, take out whatever trash is in your head that that kind of behavior is what men want. Because what they really want, is a chick that will want to run to the KFC/Taco Bell and load up on Chalupas and Extra Crispy in one sitting.

Rock on,
Paula

Wide Awake & Feeling Naughty - Yeah, I said it.

So it's after midnight on a Monday, my 5:45Am morning cardio session is a mere 5 hours away and I am WIDE awake. Knew those 2 naps and afternoon coffee today were a bad idea..

So at this time of night, what do I think about? What do YOU think about at midnight when the house is quiet, your husband is sleeping and the children are snug in their beds?

I think...."Maybe it's time I got a boyfriend".

But seriously..well, not really..my husband and I have started watching SwingTown on Thursday nights..hilarious and pretty 70's authentic with the clothing, even the bodies are perfect for that time (i.e. no jacked up guys). And every Thursday we guiltily watch this show with love and wonder "really, how did people do that?" How DO people do that? I am not sure if I would necessarily have large difficulty in say, rollng around with a hottie if my husband gave me the a-OK..the problem I would have is, I don't want him around to watch! And I certainly wouldn't want to watch him with another woman. Like, ever. Like, ew. Ew. Ew.

I don't even make sense to me at this hour. Does this mean I would have relations with another man? No. Not. Never. But I don't think it is a bad thing to think about it.

Rock on,
Paula

What's Past is....Past.

This has been a fascinating year for me. For whatever reason, maybe it is mid-life crisis time for everyone, maybe everyone is bored, maybe I am just a magnet for weirdness, maybe it is just Facebook - I have been contacted by no less than 20 people from my very distant past. One was a high school fling that I haven't spoken to in about 12 years. One was my psychotic ex-boyfriend that I had a restraining order against that wanted to add me to his "professional network" - WTF? A few were girls I danced with in high school at my old studio that I literally have not spoken to in almost 20 years.

And recently I am being stalked by my 8th grade nemesis, former best friend who stole the man I loved at 12 years old (nothing like your best friend at that age knowing you have loved the same boy since you were 6 and then going behind your back and making him her boyfriend - yeah, that girl). You know, after, well, 25 years you'd think I'd forgive and forget. But you know, I am a firm believer that some character flaws just grow greater with age. So though she continues to try and get in touch with me (thru various random and psychotic means but never directly) - I would just like to say - stay in the past. Because I have no room for you in my present or future. Biatch.

Good to see that I'm not Italian and don't hold onto things..
Rock on,
Paula

Oh the In Laws...

What a worn out topic of conflict this must be for everyone..but being that I am currently sitting in the great state of Ohio after 4 days of in-law hell, I feel it only appropriate to share my own views..

In-Law: Def, family of partner that one does not choose but rather, is saddled with.

Is it me or is everyone's inlaws out of their freakin' mind?? My husband's family consists of: His dad, who I actually love, who is in his 12th year of cancer and currently battling brain cancer. His stepmom, who is a hypochondriac, pill-popper with a good heart but silently wishes her husband would either find a cure for cancer or well, move on. My mother-in-law who is strangely an intricate part of my father in law and stepmom's life. She is a financial disaster and trainwreck who has been enabled most of her life. My husband's sister who is married with 3 children and has a husband who is not working approximately 2 hours a week, including weekends thus she is home raising 3 children alone. The crazy aunt who is mentally not all there yet is loaded so sister and mother in law latch on to her constantly so she will pay for things.

Oh, I love visiting.

Since Saturday, there have been 3 blow-outs, 5 random sessions of gossiping and bad-mouthing and I sit there as the dumping ground for all of it. Think of me as the shit magnet for all of my husband's family - it just lands on me. So I nod, sympathize, try to offer advice and without a doubt, before I get on the plane tomorrow, somehow they will all turn on me because I made the wrong comment about somebody driving a minivan or told someone's child to stop hitting mine.

But you can't escape them. Because they are family. Just not my own. Somebody kill me.

Trying to rock on,
Paula

5 Week Pictures..Eek

Man, I always look better in my head! My husband kept "lovingly" whacking me upside the head today as I was putting these comps together and muttering "no change, no change,no change"..why are we so hard on ourselves. Oh, did I mention that I woke up at 4am with TOM arrived - 5 days early!! On photo day! GREAT! But I had to take them so here they are..I apparently never took a "before" side shot so here is my 5 week one..just imagine horror side shot for beginning.

Going to save measurements for next weekend since I am bloated and BLECH.

Starting weight: 162.5

Weight today: 151 (that is with TOM bloat so thinking I would have made my 150 goal if not for this stupid surprise..BLECH!!)

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts..off to send to Tony and take about 20 Advil..

Rock on,

Paula

Hair Today..

So I chopped off 9 inches of hair. Samson has shaved his head. This was a process that created more freedom in me than the fact that I don't need to replace my $25 shampoo every month now.

Since having babies, my hair became a security blanket for my body. Hated my belly that day, did my hair down so everyone would just focus on the hair. Ass looking large. Hair down. Back boobies showing thru a tanktop (and you know you had them) - hair would cover them.

But a funny thing happened as I started on this journey with Tony - I started feeling like my hair was getting in the way. Too heavy for my intervals, covering up my newly defined shoulders - just a BOTHER. So I called up, made an appointment for the next day, didn't tell my husband and WHAM, off with the head.

I love it. I am free. And in some ways, it is a big motivator for me then anything - because there is no blanket to hide behind anymore. This is me - exposed.

Rock On,
Paula