Lessons Learned..

Hello people..not that any of you are left reading me since I have disappeared..

At the end of each of my group project presentations for finals we had to include a "Lessons Learned" slide. I thought I'd do one about my year.

Lessons Learned:
* Relying on other people to make you feel hot will not, in fact, make you feel hot.
* My ability to multitask is on a superhuman scale.
* Nothing smells better than a little 4 year old cuddled up against you on a cold morning.
* You can do everything, but you can't have everything.
* No matter how much you might try to fight it, if you are a good person in your soul, you are a good person in your soul. Same goes for those with bad ones.
* True friends never judge you.
* 99% of what you tell people is usually repeated.
* Life is too short to be doing something you don't completely love.
* 9 out of 10 women suck
* If you find a great man, love him and don't let him go.

To sum up this insanity of a year, I leave it:
Having completed one semester of graduate school with no plans on returning. I hated the material, the topic and during the process..found something I love.

Ready to take on thrilling new opportunities for professional growth in 2010. The Relaunching of Paula begins.

So completely ready to leave every shred of this year behind me and spend the future focusing on my husband, my marriage, my gorgeous children and our beautiful life.

Lessons learned.

Rock on,
Paula

Clean Up

It's that time of year again...weeding out the bad, keeping the good, rekindling the best :-)

Dealt with something yesterday that has been hidden inside my head and heart for a long time..as most of you know, I did years of dancing..there is actually a back post somewhere about my little "reunion" last year with my dance teacher and fellow dancers last year. Well, over the summer, my dance teacher decided she wanted a full on reunion of the studio, banquet room, etc. So me and 6 other of the "main" girls that I danced with planned this event for this coming Friday.

Given my insane schedule, I did only the marketing piece (only but well, without me there would be nobody attending). I didn't go to the meetings where they went through 1000's of old pictures for poster boards or watched old dance videos and cried. Because honestly, well, I'm just not that person. Something had been nagging me inside for a while and yesterday it all came out and now, well, I understand.

I got a phone call from one of the women on the committee yesterday saying that a 13 year old niece of one of the committee members had volunteered to make all the pics into a video for the reunion. Great. She said she had received the video and it was amazing and cried for an hour afterwards. Okay....it's old pics of us in sequins but..whatever. She then asked everyone that we all contribute $20 each to give to this 13 year old girl for doing this. Now, there are 7 of us. And she is 13. And...SHE VOLUNTEERED.

So..being the non-quiet person I am, I write back "I am sure the video is great..however, maybe there could be a lesson in how sometimes the BEST reward for volunteering your time and effort to a greater good is the reward you get from seeing everyone's tears and happiness at your work. $150 to a 13 year old seems a bit excessive, don't you think?"

You would think that I had suggested we all throw on white hoods and set her on fire at the reunion. I got a nasty phone call from one of them telling me "I can't believe you don't think it's right to give her something"..I said, no, give her some flowers and tell her thank you..she is 13 YEARS OLD AND VOLUNTEERED. Just like everyone else in the committee did and you have all put in months of work. How would you feel if Joyce handed you a check on Friday night?? NOT RIGHT. I stayed calm and told them it was just my point of view and I didn't want to rock the boat but my own opinion is that teenagers seem to EXPECT reward these days for simple acts of kindness and the lesson of volunteering seems to be lost on them...and considering she is 13..well, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone handing my daughter $150 for something that gives her experience and a feeling of goodness. Because isn't that the point?

To sum the rest...it seems one of them called my dance teacher and told her I was causing trouble and she actually wrote me two nasty emails as well accusing me of making "digs" and she could sense something fishy was going on...

REALLY??? I am the bad guy because I think a 13 year old who volunteers for something should just...volunteer and not get handed a check? Someone had already bought her a $40 ticket to the reunion, she has SPECIAL mention in the program AND they were going to do a special presentation at the REUNION. This girl NEVER WENT TO OUR STUDIO!! Why are we fetting some 13 year old niece of a committee member?? It was ridiculous.

But obviously, there were larger hands involved in this and I questioned the wrong issue. I let it drop, did not argue and did not respond. Called my mom and after telling her the story, and her telling me how much of a bitch my dance teacher was to her all while I used to dance because we had no money and how she remembers me coming home in tears because of how mean she used to be to me..it all came back...in floods. And I remembered..my last class teaching (after being there for 16 years) before graduating high school when I came in 5 minutes late due to a bus accident and she SCREAMED at me in front of my kids, all the parents about how I was a disgrace and not committed and this horrible person for being late and as I tried to leave because I didn't want my little 8 year old girls see my cry so hard she screamed "you walk out now, don't ever come back". And I stayed and taught that class with tears streaming down my face..and there were tears last night remembering that for the first time in 20 years.

We are not going to the reunion. I am not causing a scene and we are not even telling anyone we aren't going. My mom and I just..won't be there. I have defriended all of them from FB (ironically within 3 minutes of doing so one of the biatches emailed me "are you kidding, you took me off FB??"...how would you know that if you hadn't been watching..hmmmm

I am 37, a grown, successful, important and fabulous woman. NOBODY treats me with disrespect anymore and stays welcome in my life.

Walking right out that door and slamming it shut behind me.

Rock on,
Paula

Life is fleeting..

Yesterday the father of one of my good friends from high school died suddenly. He felt a little sick last weekend, they took him to doc on Monday for what they thought might be dehydration, did some tests, found him loaded with cancer and he died Friday morning. Last Friday, he was alive and well (unknowing of what was in his body). 7 days later, my friend has no father.

What a flash of introspect this brings...anything can happen, to any of us, our families, our friends. Are you grabbing every day by the balls? Do you tell everyone you care about that they are important to you on a regular basis? Are the bitchy arguments you get into with friends, boyfriends, husbands, family...are they worth the time?

Life is fleeting..so rock it while it's here.

Paula

Brrrrr..

So we hit a balmy 30 degrees for the first time this morning...October 15. Awesome.

Head is slowly coming out of the sand. Baby steps right? Have 2 papers down, 6 to go..progress. Still trying to figure out my whole nutrition/workout balance since taking 5 minutes to eat and/or workout makes me feel guilty for not doing schoolwork. Yet strangely I can wile away an hour on Facebook and not feel the slightest twinge of guilt. Hmmmmm...

If there is anything I am learning, is that the human body has really no limits as to how much you can throw at it mentally. I went from a stay at home mom with no brain activity to 3 graduate classes, running a non-profit and serving on the board for another in a matter of weeks. I didn't short circuit (well, maybe a little buzz) and I feel like I actually contribute meaningful discussion in classes that I knew nothing about it until this point.

Who knew?

Maybe being a mom was the best experience for all of this multi-tasking. Genius, this mothering stuff. Everyone should really try it.

Rock on,
Paula

Crawling out from under the rock...barely

I'm here..

Since upgrading my laptop to Vista I lost all my bookmarks so not only do I not do my own blog, I rarely remember to go out and find everyone else's...but no matter..

I hate to just appear from out of nowhere and complain, it's like going and talking to God only when you need something...but I am struggling in almost every aspect of my life and hoping for some wisdom.

1. School: Started full-time grad school a month ago. 3 grad classes and the professors give us about 20 hours of work per week. I have papers due each week..each about 10 pages, group projects, semester long projects, readings...someone remind my why I loved school again? Oh wait, I loved school when IT WAS THE ONLY THING I HAD TO DO. Last weekend I literally hid in my room and studied/wrote papers all weekend and barely saw my family. This weekend looks to be about the same. Wow..only a year and a half left of this magic..and then I can go off and get a full-time job and NEVER see my kids again.

Financially things are not stellar here (like for everyone these days) and I feel like I could take so much stress off of Steve if I was working again...but then there were would be a whole different stress in dealing with finding full-time after school care for the kids, only have a few weeks vaca every year, etc. UGH.

So you kinda get where my head is at.

2. Volunteering: I currently run a local non-profit and am on the Board for another...THESE are the two things in my life that give me energy, I am excited to work on them every day and have ideas coming out the ying. I could spend 50 hours a week on them and still have more life for them. Problem: no paycheck. Nada. Zilch.

3. Fitness: What? Taking care of myself? Is that on the list? I threw my back out BAD in August and was literally out flat for a month..never had that happen before. Found out through extensive back work that my left hip is literally 2 inches lower than my right and coupled with my dead flat feet "running should probably not be an option for you". I take this as "give up now, if you can't run you might as well not work out" and POOF - 20lbs over where I was a year ago and absolutely NOBODY to blame by myself and my complete wagon-falling over the last 6 months of hellish stress. I do not think I have worn anything but sweatpants in the last 2 months because nothing with a waist fits me. So depressed but at the same time, cannot seem to get motivated to START anything..WTF is wrong with me????

4. My little peanuts. They are perfect. Alec is in first grade and runs off the bus every day to me like I am his long lost love. How much do I love these moments? This is what makes me rethink everything I am doing with school. Lana is getting just more and more to be my girl and I envy her amazing confidence already at the age of 4 - my little rockstar.

So I am crawling out from under the rock...but barely. I need help. I need guidance. I need someone to kick me in the ass. Help.

Not so rocking...
P.

Pan Mass - check!

The Pan Mass is DONE! My partner and I were discussing during the ride and even though we have done it 3x, know what to expect every time, it WEIGHS on you for months prior. The fundraising (everyone HAS to raise $3k or they literally bill your credit card Oct. 1 for the balance), the training, all of it.

But I had a great ride, smoked the first 40 miles (at one point was going 36.8mph on my bike..my PR!!!) and had a relatively pain-free recovery..little more stiff today but all in all, the best yet.

The funniest part is that I barely spent anytime on my bike this year training due to the horrific weather we have had here in the northeast this summer..I have been working with Tony consistently, have put on a ton of muscle but did 2 rides in the last 2 months and have just been doing his interval cardio for 12-15 minutes. Yet somehow was able to bike those 85 miles the fastest I have ever done it. God love Tony.

So..after a day of rest..going to ease back into the gym today...sigh. relief. now I can just focus on...muscle, muscle, muscle.

The picture of me is at finish with my riding partner, Chris - he just did a century ride in a hurricane a week ago so is my new hero! Hard core!!

Rock on,
Paula

For all my racing girls..

The husband of a good friend of mine just did the Lake Placid Ironman this weekend..I have been following his training on his blog and Facebook for months..15-25 hours a WEEK. Take a look at his blog at what can happen to even the most conditioned athlete - eat RIGHT, train SMART and always know that this can happen to the very very best of athletes out there...he is amazing! I bow to all Ironmen competitors.

http://www.davecriswell.blogspot.com/

Me Me Me Me and More...Me - Tagged by Liimu

Does this officially count as my post of the week? ha!

Thanks Liimu...I am easy pickings for this award since nobody knows I'm out here!

Apparently as a recipient of this lovely ME award I now have to list 7 Traits about myself that are quirky or make me stand out...wow..only 7 quirky?

1. I was born with 6 fingers on each hand. They were removed before I was 2 but it is genetic..my dad has 6 toes and my brother had 6 fingers and 6 toes on his left extremities. My son got extra tabs but that's it...but he has the gene. I was sad to not produce another 6 finger freak like myself :)

2. I have gained 75lbs with each baby (2 of them) and lost all of it within months of giving birth. My son weighed 11lb, 11oz (and no, NO GD) and my daughter was 8lb, 12 oz 2.5 weeks early. I guess my quirky trait is I grow abnormally large babies.

3. I just may be the WORST delegator on the planet as there is nothing that I feel can't be done better than by me when it comes to workload. This makes me a horrific manager but a fabulous individual contributor :)

4. I hate being told what to do. And I mean, even as far as my husband suggesting what I eat for breakfast. If it isn't my idea, I want nothing to do with it..even if it's something I wanted to do begin with. This makes my relationship with Tony a bit of a love/hate :-)

5. I get tan walking to the mailbox.

6. There is not a day in my life that I don't think of ways of bettering myself and learning more. My drive is one of the things I am most proud of..yet for some reason it doesn't always translate to getting fit which drives me mad.

7. I consider myself one of the best friends to ever have but cross my once and get crossed off my list forever.

7 people to Tag..yikes..let me get back to this later..will require research :)

Impossible is Nothing

The first year I rode the Pan Mass that slogan was on a bracelet I wore the entire 180 miles. Superpowers, mind games, whatever - it worked.

In 4 weeks, I ride again. This year is a little bittersweet for me - through the course of the year, Steve's dad and I have had a minor falling out and are actually not speaking right now. I have tried quite a few times but he is just..unresponsive. He got into a car accident in April - actually, he got into his car half drugged out after an MRI and decided he should drive himself around without a seatbelt and almost killed himself. I was so furious I refused to call and offer sympathy. There are times he gets so caught up in being ill and being catered to, that I think part of him was just mad that the cancer is going away and someone might not pay attention to him anymore. Whatever, the case..and however wrong I was with my feelings, it is what it is right now. 13 years the man has fought cancer and he almost took his life because he didn't want to wrinkle his damn shirt. Ugh.

Anyway..it is strange for me this year but it is not just for him that I do this..I do this for my friend, Renee, who at 37 is an Ovarian cancer survivor and single mom; for my friend, Jen, who continues to battle brain cancer, run her own foundation all WHILE training and running marathons to this day (www.jogginforthenoggin.com)..and for the so many other cancer fighters out there that inspire me..we must find a cure.

To check out my Pan Mass profile, click HERE.

Impossible is nothing.

Rock on,
Paula

Does Not Play Well With Others

I have a very cute tshirt with this on the front but I am thinking I might just get it tattooed on my forehead.

I come from generations of very fiesty women - on both sides. All amazingly strong, intelligent and giving women but all lacking in the necessary talent of knowing when to keep their traps shut and tempers in check. My 4'9 French grandmother was known for her tirades, as was her mother..usually in a fabulous loud mix of French Canadian and English. My Italian grandmother apparently used to beat the crap out of my grandfather..not SO funny unless you know that she was in a wheelchair for most of her life and he was 6'5.

So really, is it any wonder that with both sides of the gene pool of women terrors that I have this..uh..MINOR personality flaw? Or strength...really, depending on what side you are on. I'd like to say that I only get upset and argue at major injustices being done..I'd like to say that. But sometimes, some people, just rub me THE WRONG WAY, almost every time they open their mouth. Almost..from the very first time I met them. So sometimes..I have to tell them to go away, and that I don't want to play anymore.

Is this bad? I don't necessarily think so. What it might be lacking in tact, I believe it makes up for in blatant honesty - as my friends say, you always know where you stand with Paula.

I have tried to manage this better as I've gotten older. There were reasons why I never managed more than a few people when I was working but continually got promoted..I think they were afraid I'd fire everyone incompetent my first day. Not entirely untrue. PC and I are not exactly bed-fellows.

But I try. I try to step away from situations before I speak. I try to sleep on emails before I send them. I step back before responding to someone's comments that just BUG me. I try to sit on my hands when all I really want to do is really just slap someone (truth: I have never been in a physical altercation in my life..shocking). But this is all EXTREME EFFORT for me.

I blame it on the short Canadian nana.

Rock on,
Paula

School is in!

So..thoughts of the day. WOW! Crazy times here. I set out this year with some personal goals for achievement on the professional side. I put my professional life on hold 3 years ago to stay home for a few years with always the understanding that I would go back to work - from a personal fulfillment level AND a financial level..it is necessary. One of my goals was to go back WITH a graduate degree..just wasn't sure which one.

So..I am so happy to say that I got into graduate school at one of the BEST business schools around for a Masters in Science in IT (i am total IT geek)...the program is a bit specific to designing and researching systems and is the largest of it's kind in the country - example, Microsoft sends their people here for this Masters..and I'm in Boston. So..I am thrilled I got in and even more exciting is that they give me a scholarship to do it. I'll also be getting a paid internship in the Spring which I am over the top about. I will be able to finish the program probably by December 2010 and then..look out working world..here comes mama :)

So..this is something I have wanted for a long time. And I am so excited about it..nervous as hell, but excited. I have some fabulous supportive friends locally who have already come out and offered to help with the kids (the classes are at night so will only need a sitter for an hour or two a week..perfect). I feel like I am just surrounded by good friends lately. Because it's been a year and they are just..with me.

So..just wanted to share my happiness of the day...going to get a little busy come September but I am just thrilled to start buying some new notebooks and pens..nerd alert, table two.

Rock on,
Paula

Missing..

happiness - please return when found.

I'm good. I have good days..and bad days. Lately I feel like my life is just one big Lifetime movie waiting to be written. The amount of drama going on around me, not necessarily always involving me, is huge. I have a close friend (37) who is thinking of leaving her husband (and 2 young kids) of 20 years for her 20-something trainer. Okay. I have another old friend who just found out her husband of 9 years has been having an affair with another mom in her son's class for 6 months and they are moving in together next week. After 9 years of marriage and 2 kids. I have a handful of close friends that want nothing else but to go out every night and meet men and feel hot and young again. All of them are married with multiple children. I have been married for 7 years and have not experienced any of this until the last 6 months with friends..why is all this happening now?

I have been on all sides of this cube-like coin in the last 6 months - so I don't judge..just..wonder at the insanity of it all.

What is going ON in the world today? When did everyone suddenly become bitter and disgruntled with their life? When did everyone start wishing to start over again and why? When did everyone just become...unhappy? Is it just my peer group? Or have I surrounded myself with a bunch of lunatics? Does this mean I am a lunatic too? Well..don't answer that.

On the fitness end, I see so many people struggling...myself included. The amount of "fit" friends I have..both locally and "online" that have managed to throw on 20lbs that they can't shake over the last year is amazing to me. I have a friend who is staying on antidepressants so she can stay skinny. Not depressed, just wants a quick fix. Great, good for you.

I don't think any of this is coincidence. Is it the world? The economy? A bad Chinese year? What is UP people?

Come on, get happy.
Rock on,
Paula

Scrambled

I know..it's a been a while. I have probably written and deleted about 15 posts in the last 3 months. What to share. What not to share. Better off not sharing.

My year has been a journey...maybe 37 is the year of my mid-life crisis. The year I sort through all the crap of my past and get down to what lies beneath. Who am I? What do I really want? I have so many peers going through the same crap right now, it is hard not to think that it is a stage of life. My therapist (who rocks and really, everyone should pay someone to listen to their shit) offered that everyone goes through some sort of life crisis every 10 years. Ironically it was 10 years ago this past weekend that I got married for the first time...and divorced him 2 months later.

One of my favorite scenes in a movie is from Runaway Bride. She talks about always having her eggs the same way every guy she was dating at the time did...but never knew how SHE liked her eggs. This is so my life. You adapt, you take on someone else's likes, dislikes and if you were like me and hopped from one long term bf to another..never really spent a whole lot of time figuring YOURSELF out. I argued that my boyfriends taught me about myself, taught me what I could tolerate and what I couldn't, what I needed in someone and what was a dealbreaker. But what are MY dealbreakers? What do I NEED? What do I WANT? And if I got it, would I even know?

I talked this weekend about learning when to stop looking for more. I have a drive that doesn't seem to know when to stop. When is happy, happy enough? When is fit, fit enough? When is a good job, the best job? When is a good man, the right man? Because no matter how excited I might get about something when it begins..inevitably, in a period of time..I start wanting more. Looking for more. And that gets me into a lot of trouble..

So I am taking one day at a time these days. Trying not to overthink things. Trying to learn how to love my life. Trying to appreciate how lucky I am, rather than worry about what I don't have...

But first of all, loving my scrambled eggs.

Rock on,
Paula

It's been over a month since my last confession..

Sorry..got carried away in thoughts of Catholic upbringing there when I saw the date of my last post..which actually feels like yesterday if that gives you a hint of what February was like.

To sum: Got sick the week before my birthday (Feb. 12 to be exact) and today is the first day I actually feel like one of the living again. Been through bronchitis, asthma attacks, sinus infections, nasty cold and a touch of flu. So much for my power month..ha!! This is apparently old age...oh goodie.

My sister's wedding and Ireland were AMAZING. Her husband's family is from Sweden and they just ROCK - he is one of 4 brothers and I feel like I have 4 new siblings...they were a blast and I learned all sorts of dirty Swedish words....should be a good time when I head over to Stockholm to visit and the only phrase I really know is Javla Gris! - that would be "Fucking Pig!" for those of you not in the know. Will be making a ton of friends.

My little sister and I at the wedding and with her groom on the Lough- isn't she just gorgeous?! My little peanut..all growns up:

The next one is my ripping up the dance floor during the Riverdance competition..only in Galway Ireland with an Irish rock band would I do this..but hey, 20 years of dance training paid off..I think I could get a job..ha! I have a new love for irish music now..there is just JOY in it and is impossible not to dance to..at least that is what I thought after some martinis..but have a whole new selection on my Ipod that never would have thought of..hey, St. Patricks Day is coming and I am READY. Then just a shot of me with my 3 new hot Swedish brothers..really, everyone should have some..

So..after Galway, came home, got Z-Pack and spent last week in recovery. March is in like a Lion and I am all over it...hold up though..I have to sneeze.

Javla Gris!

Rock on,

Paula

The Age of Aquarius

February is here. January is over. Snow still on ground? Check. Storm coming this week. Check. Temp still hovering around 30 degrees daily? Check.

But my power month is HERE! Nobody messes with mama in February. Ever. Because basically..you'll lose and shit. My birthday month is all about new attitude for me..not sure why but February 1 hits and..."into the dark..there was a light".

Turning 37 in 14 days. WTF is that all about anyway? Does it even matter how old we are anymore? Does anyone care? I don't..so next topic.

January was a big fat dark hole of BLECH for me but with the love of some GREAT friends, lots of social activities and workouts that kicked my little patootie, I made it through. And there may have been a pizza in there or two..but really, who's counting? Anything to make mama smile.

This is my leaning month..have a fabulous dress to wear in exactly 20 days as maid of honor for my little pumpkin sister's wedding in Galway Ireland and I hope to look at least half as gorgeous as she is going to be..LOVE my dress though and can't wait to show you pictures...LOTSA LOTSA cardio for moi over the next 3 weeks..getting some gorgeous muscles that need to be shown OFF :) Galway won't know what to do with me.

Over the holidays I found this great natural rock store and bought a natural amethyst necklace and bracelet (that's Aquarius birthstone for those of you NOT in the know on the greatest sign)..plan on wearing that a LOT this month. My parents had gone to some amethyst mines in Northern Canada a while back and brought me back a chunk of magic. From the minute that amethyst sat on my desk at work, amazing things started happening. Just imagine if I start wearing it..

The Age of Aquarius is here.
Rock on,
Paula

All Bitter and Shizit..

I have noticed that my last couple of posts are on the say, bitter side, so I started thinking..what IS IT about January? I actually love the snow, love cold mornings and there is nothing that energizes me more than a run outside when it is 20 degrees..seriously, love it.

But January hits and I become like Pig Pen with a dark cloud looming overhead. I'm grouchy at home, with friends, have no patience, tell people off "in my head" about 40 times a day. I remember when I was in my 20's I realized that 90% of my relationships had ended in January. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I go tanning for my "light therapy". I work out 6 days a week..lately more than once a day. I eat well. I take high doses of medication. Ha! Well..sort of ha..

Maybe the only thing to do is just move on south for winter. But then I'd have to get these sausage legs into shorts 5 months ahead of schedule.

So maybe not.

Rocking it..all grouch style.
Paula

Feeling 12 again..

Seriously, I am beginning to hate Facebook.

All of a sudden, my grammar school classmates are coming OUT of the woodwork. I went to a small Catholic school and graduated with a class of 30 in 8th grade. In the last year, I got back in touch with one girl. I occasionally see my childhood crush since he lives in the area (and is still hot but that's another story...ha!). But that is it. Now everyone wants to be "friends" again. They want a reunion. They want to chat. They want to share pictures. I have NOT SPOKEN TO THESE PEOPLE IN 25 years! I have NOTHING TO SAY. And quite honestly, I HATED THE LAST YEAR I was in school.

My "best" friend is a girl who joined our school for the last two years - I have discussed her before on here. Our class was CLOSE with so few kids and all of us having been together since 1st grade..like brothers and sister close. In 8th grade, she went behind my back and went after my crush named above. She then turned all my friends against me (obviously not real friends as I know now..). I graduated speaking to 2 people thanks to her. No offense, I have no interest in being your friend, hearing about your life (just got divorced, single mom..so sorry..biatch) or even seeing your freakin' name. Serious, head trauma is more enticing to me. And I do NOT want to go to any freakin reunion where she is going to be there all "FRIENDS" with me..gag.

Okay..does anyone get where I'm at? I just need to vent. I am hot, smart, have an amazing husband, great kids and am, well, just fabulous. And just seeing this freakin' girls name all over Facebook lately has me feeling insecure, shy, loser-like and hurt all over again. How ridiculous is that?? I am not 12. I am going to be 37 in a month and I FUCKING ROCK.

There, I said it.
Rock on people,
Paula

Auld Lang Syne

May old acquaintances be forgot...

How do you all feel about weeding out people in your life? I feel like every 5 years ago I declutter my friends. It's about that time again. It is kind of like cleaning out the messy drawer in your kitchen. You find all kinds of odds and ends of people and can't quite remember how they got in your life and why they are still there taking up space.

I'm not trying to win any largest amount of friend contests - I am big believer that if you have friends that you can count on one hand when you die you have lived a full life. Good friends. Best friends. Friends that don't judge. Friends that are proud of you. Friends that want to see you succeed in EVERYTHING and are genuinely happy when you do. Friends that will listen to you cry about your kids or bitch about your husband and not run and tell all their friends how much your life sucks. Friends that for whatever reason (oh yeah, insecurity!), are in constant competition with you but would NEVER say those words aloud and admit it. Try to out skinny you, out car you, out lawn you, out clothing you, out hair you but really, you've never given it a second thought about returning those favors. Because maybe if we all spent more time trying to think about what WE want for US and not because of someone else, we might actually, I don't know, learn something about ourselves.

But we don't want that happening, do we?

Have an amazing New Year everyone - and try to learn more about yourselves this year. That's my goal. Every day.

Rock on,
Paula